Bones or Ash?

The ghosts of the reservoir are at it again - keeping me up with strange nightmares.  This is what you get from swimming in a man-made lake that previously served as burial grounds.

The Life and Times of

Wow!  It's been an amazingly long time since I last posted.  I'm not sure what has sparked my lack of introspection or the desire to spread my peculiar brand of wit online.  Yes, I do try.  You didn't notice?  What??  I've decided to give up on mass-emails as an attempt to keep in touch.  It's not my way, and it makes me feel like a fake.  "Come on, please care about me!"  Anyhow, I'm going to make an attempt to update this site regularly, in case there are those who are still interested.

During my blogging hiatus, I went on vacation to Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam.  Throughout the vacation, the biggest question on my mind was whether or not to sign on for a second year here.  After much, much deliberation, many never-ending circular conversations, and the return to spring semester at STU, I decided I would spend another year of life here.  This decision, strange as it may seem, has to have been one of the hardest of my life.  The initial decision to come here was so simple.  It just made sense.  I had peace about it.  My family was thrilled I wasn't heading to the Middle East.  There seemed to be so much confirmation that this was where I needed to be for now.  

The decision to stay here is not so clear-cut.  Beyond and behind all the weighing of plusses and minuses on either side, decision-making seems infinitely more difficult with the absence of concerned others.  From the outside, I lead a charmed life - venturing off to whatever exciting place I want to go next.  And yes, I'm young and single - the perfect time to embrace life open-armed.  It's such an adventure, and I'm so lucky that I can go where I want without having to think about a family.  Or so I've been told, time and again.  The reality is, of course, somewhat more complex.  I am thankful for freedom, but I'm also sad that I am responsible to no one and no one is to me.  The deep loneliness of being the only one affected by a decision makes choosing anything an insurmountable task.  Of course, one could argue that my birth family is affected, and certainly they are more than anyone else.  But they are family units of their own without me, and I can't realistically live with them at this point in life.

So, that leaves me here, one person making what seems like to me the hugest decision ever with very little input and few sounding boards.  And so, I chose to stay.  My rationale is not great.  I might regret it later, but I hope I won't.  At least I have bought some time until another life-altering decision has to be made.  I've always been a wanderer, wondering what was around the next curve with little need to see a clearly marked path. But I'm finding that I want to - at least for once in my life - truly belong somewhere.

These are just a few thoughts, skeletons of what's been flying through my head over the months.  I'm looking forward to posting more exciting information about idiosyncracies of life and work here.  There will be much more to come later! 

Latest Discoveries and Experiences

These would probably be better with pictures, but in no particular order:

-green tea cheese cake (surprisingly good, not so similar to cheese cake really)

-herbal jelly

-unintentional purchase of stinky tofu

-t-shirt launchers stronger than 10 men

-Mariah, Shania, and Whitney performed by some singers much braver than I am

-botched language attempts on the bus ...now really, how hard can "_______ zai nali?" be???

-wal-mart Christmas decor

-walking into the wrong restroom (unfortunately occupied) after a long 8 hours of teaching

-being the only female in the weight room on campus - my students attempted to explain all the machines to me.  I was grateful but secretly thought, "If you only knew..."

License to Smell, And the Currency of Skin

I've always felt a certain amount of self-satisfaction from keeping a low profile.  I generally like to think that if I don't know who someone is, they definitely don't know me (I do admit, this is a bit of the ostrich approach).  Nonetheless, in some kind of alter-reality world, I think I'd make a great spy.  I'm observant and usually go unnoticed.  

What does this have to do with teaching?  China?  Only this fact: the entire world has been turned inside out.  There is no more incognito.  There is no more anonymity.  I can't be the silent observer.  Before I came, I expected to encounter this.  I don't exactly blend in with the locals, and I don't think dying my hair would really help.  Most of the time, attaining some sort of celebrity status isn't so bad.  People are generally friendly and well-meaning, though the cameras and constant "hello"s do get annoying.

The interesting thing is how differently I am percieved here as opposed to in the U.S.  I walk into nice department stores or restaurants here, and no one questions whether or not I can afford to be in that place.  People are constantly trying to win me over as a customer - vendors hawking food, phone cards, rides on pedicabs - and possibly all at a jacked-up rate.  People marvel at the paleness of my skin.  ("I can't help it, honestly.  Believe me, I've tried," is my usual response.)

And so, this foreigness buys me much more than it should.  On occasion, I walk around town with other teachers all day, then go into a restaurant with my hair curly from sweat, looking quite dishevelled.  In another place across an ocean, my appearance would definitely draw stares and whispers.  I'd feel quite uncomfortable.  Yet here as a foreigner, it's no problem.   Even without the sweatiness, there are many places in the U.S. that I don't feel comfortable walking into.  I grew up in hand-me-downs and shopped primarily at goodwill in high school.  Life has changed since then, but I sometimes still need a pep-talk before walking into a place that could collocate with the words "nice," "pampered," "top tier," "four star," or the like.

When I focus out a bit, all this just reminds me how spoiled I really am.  I look around and see the farmers and the sellers and the middlepeople who work sun-up to sun-down.  They work so hard and have so much less to show for it.  I sometimes get caught up in thinking that my life is hard, that I have to scrounge and be frugal just to get by.  And it's true, my income was very close to my rent more often than not.  It's only here that I can even afford to live alone.  Yet our ideas of "scraping by" are vastly different from the reality of that experience in so much of the world.  

With all these swirling thoughts, I can only hope that I'll be a good foreigner.  That I'll smile and be friendly even when my patience is wearing thin.  

This is interesting. I promise.

I know I should be waxing eloquent about variety being the spice of life and other such nonsense (to hyphenate, or not to hyphenate, I wonder silently...).  It just seems like I'm too busy keeping up with life lately to be contemplative.  I'm absorbing things on some level and will eventually have cogent thoughts and insights to share.

As for now, I really have to share something that I just finished reading.  It's exciting stuff - salivation inducing, in fact.  Take a look.  If you don't find this particular entry enlightening, I'm sure others will at least make you laugh.  And yes, I'm well aware I have a strange sense of humor.

http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=737

Nanjing

Lists

You know you're not in Florida anymore:

1.  enormous spider in the toilet

2.  baby cobra

3.  "The Giant World of Aloe"

4.  pizza with salmon topping

5.  elevated ground

...or, perhaps you are in some kind of a Florida:

6.  104 degrees in the shade (84 without the heat index)

7.  did I mention the heat?

8.  and sweating most of the time?

9.  swimming pools

1o.  chopsticks (yeah, reminds me of FL...)